Why does the climate want privacy?
It is changing.

The Ten Best Things about Global Warming

1. Why pay for tattoos when melanoma's free?
2. No more pesky weeds. In fact, no more pesky plants.
3. Nile Encephalitis: not just for Egyptians anymore.
4. Furnaces convert easily into tornado shelters.
5. Helsinki: the new Riviera.
6. Middle East oil producers feel right at homeó everywhere.
7. Golfers only need a putter and a sand wedge.
8. For those who can't get enough of global warming. One word: Venus.
9. Steaks, medium rare, on the hoof.
10. Three thongs and you're dressed!

by the authors of DEAD MARS, DYING EARTH

Two planets meet. The first one asks: "How are you?"
"Not so well", the second answered "I've got the Homo Sapiens."
"Don't worry," the other replied, "I had the same. That won't last long."

We bald men don't spend all our time shampooing and rinsing our hair. It's one of the many selfless acts we bald men perform every day to make our world a better place. The bald also don't have use for plastic combs, or no hair dryers either so that's gotta save on electricity. Come on. We have got to go bald - all of us. Walking around with a full head of hair is like driving an SUV or dumping toxic sludge into a river. It's irresponsible. Hey, you hair people, shame on you!
Larry David

Slogans and Bumperstickers

Let's make love, not emissions

Smart: SUV escape pod.

Think globally, act locally, panic internally.

If you meet a women, start talking about global warming. It's a real icebreaker.

President Bush said this week to help with gas prices he will temporarily ease environmental regulations.
Great. Not only will you not be able to drive, you won't be able to breathe either.
Jay Leno

According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse than originally predicted.
Which is pretty bad when they originally predicted it would destroy the planet.
Jay Leno

Clean coal is a bit like wearing a porous condom - at least the intention was there.
Robin Williams

If you live in an igloo, what's the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!

The first conclusive proof of global warming just happened. Recently on a cold, crisp day, a farmer in Iowa went out to check his crops and found 150 acres of popped popcorn.

When did John McCain decide that he believed in the theory of Global Warming?
Right after he got confused while adjusting his office thermostat and set temperature too high.

President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.
Jimmy Kimmel

Did you plug in the car last night, Honey?"
"Oh, c#*& !!

Putinís love for humankind heats up the planet by 2.35 degrees annually - a phenomenon also known as the Global Warming.

President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.
Jay Leno

So how many of you have low-energy light bulbs at home? Oh? So you're all like me, when you go in a room you spend the first few minutes in the dark, wondering what room you're in, then apologising 'cos you've pissed all over the duvet.
Marcus Brigstocke

What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?
I have my eye on you.

What did the one tornado say to the other?
Letís twist again like we did last summer.

President Bush says he's really going to buckle down now and fight global warming. As a matter of fact, he announced today he's sending 20,000 troops to the sun.
David Letterman

If it solved global warming, would you give up the TV remote and go back to carting your fat ass over to the television set every time you wanted to change the channel. If that was the case in America, I think Americans would watch one channel forever.
Bill Maher

Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of global warming, sea levels will rise so much that parts of New Jersey will be under water.
The bad news?
Parts of New Jersey won't be under water.
Conan O'Brien

You know Global Warming is real when ...

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
You go outside your shadow stays inside.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
You discover that your bird feeder is clogged with puffed wheat and popped corn.
You discover that hot air balloons can't fly because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
You see lizards carry a leaf to put under their tail when they sit down.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
You see birds using potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The chickens are lying hard boiled eggs.
You see a bee take its yellow jacket off.
The hump on Camelback Mountain is shrinking.
The hamburger is all ready cooked after coming off the cow.
You experience condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
By the time you get to work, the radiator is boiling over, your clothes are dripping wet with sweat and you smell like roasted Garfield.
You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
The trees are whistling for dogs.
The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?

Do you know more climate change jokes?
We are happy about each mail to klimawitze@die-klimaschutz-baustelle.de.

1, 2, 3

To Climate Change Jokes To new Global Warming Jokes To Green Fact about Chuck Norris Jokes To Lightbulb Climate Protection Jokes To Climate Change Knock Knock Jokes To OPUC climate satire